he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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