I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
