Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
