Your face is a jimmy john
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
