The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
