he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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