I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
