It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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