Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
