i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
