Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
