He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
