The police scanner is talking about you again....
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
