u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
