i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
