why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
