filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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