He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize
