Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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