i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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