its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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