He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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