Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
