I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
