tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
cat food counts as protein by the way
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
