Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Success! We fucked roommates!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
