Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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