I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
