I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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