I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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