I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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