I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
