You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
