I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
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