hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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