Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Randomize
