I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Randomize
