The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize