the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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