What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
