I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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