Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
