im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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