So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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