Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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