I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
