our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
