one two three fourrrrnication!
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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