What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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