I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
