i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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