Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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