I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
