You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
