You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
