i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
