At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I think my moral compass just broke
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
