Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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