he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
