dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
