I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
