did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
