its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
