My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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