no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
