Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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