can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
