ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
