It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
