By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
