Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Randomize
