Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
