I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize