the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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