Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
