I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
