I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
be right there i have to get my cape
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
